How do I make friends?

One of the things I have struggled with most being here has been making friends. The close friends who you can cry to, who will accept your drunken ramblings and laugh about them later, the friends who you share with, good, bad, inbetween and everything else, those ones. I have met lots of lovely people who are wonderful but it is the leap between acquaintance and friendship which I’m finding really tough right now.

J is a great support, the move has made us closer but sometimes I don’t want to moan to him, or sometimes he’s not quite the right ear for what I want to say, I need a sounding board, someone who is different, gives me different perspectives. I also need female company and women to talk to.

I feel like as a child becoming friends was easier, you naturally met more people, were possibly less set in your ways and you would just ask ‘can I be your friend’. Whereas as an adult I feel like I have been dating friends, to see if they like me and if I like them. There seem to be more mines to avoid, more veneers to crack*.

I think the biggest leap is who to phone. Emailing is fine, meeting for a drink is lovely, a quick text not a problem but having a shit day at work and wanting to tell someone, that I haven’t got (yet, hopefully). So how do I do it?

Probably, I should just take the plunge and call someone. Dive right in and see what happens. So we’ll see, hopefully time will have its part to play in this whole merry-go-round.

*I feel like Americans tend to put on more of a veneer than Brits. They’re friendly, welcoming, sweet and kind, but then beneath that, who knows. I feel like it’s been a hard job cracking through those veneers. But then this is probably a whole other post.

18 comments

  1. vixter2010

    I def think it’s harder as adults to make new friends, it’s often harder than finding a partner! I think you should go for it and pick up the phone, maybe have a glass of wine first :)

  2. Kristi

    I’ve never been good at making friends, so I have no good suggestions. It’s tough. I’m only three hours from your time now though, so happy to donate my phone number to your phone. :)

  3. agirlwrites

    I struggle with this. In fact, the only new friends I’ve made since leaving university (it was so much easier in school/university) are you guys, via the internet.
    Go brave, my dear. And good luck!

  4. K

    I totally feel you on this one. Unfortunately having been an expat for 10 years now I do think that mostly it is either luck of clicking with someone immediately or time. Most of the friends you miss you have probably been friends with for a long time and had time to make mistakes or work out your little differences.

    Are there people you think you could call? If so I would give it a go. They’d probably like a chat too.

    • wifenewcity

      Your last line: They’d probably like a chat too
      I think that’s so true, I’d never thought of it like that, always thought of it from my side!

  5. Kirsty {a safe mooring}

    Aw, I wish I had some practical advice to offer but I, too, am pretty bad at converting acquaintances into true friends. I wonder how many bloggers are like that? Seems like a lot of bloggers (including me) are introverts or even just quite introspective and forge really deep connections with people they meet through blogging – maybe everyone else is at the pub…

    Having said that, one of my bridesmaids was someone I only really got to know three years ago through work. We had the advantage of being flatmates for a while, but yeah I think just go for it and phone someone – I bet they’ll be really happy that you called. In my experience a good heart-to-heart over a glass of wine also does no harm at all…

    • wifenewcity

      Thank-you, it does feel funny asking for advice on how to make friends when it seems like something which people should so easily be able to do in normal day-to-day life. And yes it would be interesting to do a big personality survey of bloggers! I don’t think of myself as introvert but for sure introspective, maybe a little too navel gazing sometimes…

      I shall try and go for it, with all of your support I’m sure it’ll be just fine :)

  6. Kristy

    I know what you mean. I have 1 good (in-person) friend I’ve made since college, and we work together. Other than her, all my new friends are from blogs/twitter.

    (I know there’s a 2 hour time difference and we can’t exactly grab drinks after work, but I do have a phone, and it wouldn’t be an international call. ;))

    • wifenewcity

      It is amazing to me how much blog/twitter friends have become so much part of my life. Wonderful, but kind of amazing too. We are lucky we have ‘met’ such great people over the interwebs aren’t we?!

      And I might just take you up on that sweet offer of yours ;)

  7. Rebecca

    I totally understand this, I have no logical advice right now, and anything I would have said has already been said anyway! I just wanted you to know that youre not alone in this, and yes, interwebs friends, it was a crazy idea to me a year or so ago, but its so true! take a leap of faith :)

  8. Cate Subrosa

    Sounds like an *interesting* whole other post, about cracking veneers.

    It’s hard, but you really do have to be brave and take the plunge. Lots of inviting people to things helps I think.

    • wifenewcity

      Thank-you, hopefully if I can find the right words it’ll come into being. And yes bravery is something I’m working on. Slowly but surely… x

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